are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
