I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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