How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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