Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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