Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
