We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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