Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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