There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
