we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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