mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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