Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
