he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
