ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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