and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
