just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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