did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
