so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
