Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
