I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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