lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
