Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
