FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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