We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
