Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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