The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
