my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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