Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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