Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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