So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think your dad took our porno
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
