ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
