were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
