She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
