Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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