Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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