so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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