I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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