You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
