Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
