i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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