i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
