I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
