I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
