Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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