This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
