i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
