So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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