I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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