I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
