Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
