you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
