It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
