My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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