His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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