I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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