Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
