why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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