I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
