I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
