Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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