Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
