I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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