all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They took my balls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize