It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
