We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
