I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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