Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
