dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
