hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
